Saying " I'm Sorry"

Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.  Matthew 12:25

     After seeing one of my recent blog posts posted on a mutual friend's facebook site, I got a messgae from someone I have not spoken to for close to a year. She had been a good friend and we have known each other for five years. Despite the concern that I could possibly reject her efforts, she reached out to me after reading of my loss.
     My heart skipped a beat when I saw her message and I quickly responded. Within minutes we were on the phone. Before I could allow our conversation to go to far, there was something she needed to know, I was sorry.
      Right before I found out about the pregnancy I had been struggling with health problems, working too much and trying unsucessfully to manage my home life. I I was trying to be Superwoman and I was terrible at it. I was miserable.
      My friend would try to get me to open up about how I was doing and my response was always, "I am fine, everything is fine". I was embarassed to tell her I wasn't "fine", but afraid that if I let the words come out of my mouth that I would no longer be able to hold it all together. Instead I pushed her away and she got the message.
     When I lost the baby, I thought of her. I wished I could call and tell her, I knew she would be comforting. But she didn't even know I was pregnant, and how do you call someone and say, " Hey I know I was a jerk, but let me unload this tragic event on you so you can make me feel better"?
Still, she stayed on my mind throughout these difficult months. At  times I would wonder how she was and how her family was doing. I started seeing her pop up on my " People you might know" section on  Facebook. Then when I started therapry, twenty plus miles form my house, I actually parked next to her car not knowing she worked next to my therapists office. God was onbiously not going to let me forget this unfinsihed business and relationship that needed to be mended.
     Then her message came and we met at Starbucks the next day, and talked for hours. I wish that things had been different and we had not gone for so long without speaking. But, then again time was what I needed and without all the events that occured I would not have been sitting before her a much more peaceful, happy person.
    Saying, "I'm sorry" is never easy. It makes you vulnerable to the rejection from the other person. But sometimes, those three honest words can lift a burden off your heart  and restore a seperation of months and even years. You may not be ready to say them today, but God will press upon your heart an urgency to do so until you do.
Apparently his uses Facebook now too.