I have heard it said that when tough times come your way, it is only blood you can count on to be there for you. I believe that a family is not simply made up of people who share the same DNA, but of a community of people whom you care for and who care about you. For me. this year has been an ever so present reminder of how blessed I am to be part of a church.
Richard and I come from completely different backgrounds. I was raised Southern Baptist and he Catholic, though he was not practicing when I met him. We always said we wanted to find something in the middle, but it took us years to accomplish this. Not because we were church hopping, but because we were lazy. We would talk almost weekly for years about finding and joining a church. We tried out a few churches here and there, but honestly nothing ever fit. I wanted to feel like I was part of something more then just a sea of people in a sanctuary that held 5,000 people. Finally one day a flyer came in the mail and we decided to try this church out.
Our first Sunday at Grace Community was Palm Sunday. I'll admit I was scared to death. The church didn't have it's own building so the congregation met at a local high school. Both Richard and I were used to traditional settings. We took a deep breath and walked in.
We were warmly greeting upon arrival and enjoyed the service. We happen to visit on a day where there was a social after church. After watching all the kids run around playing while the adults mingled, welcoming us and finding out where we were from, etc., we knew we found our home.
Grace Community was exactly the small close knit environment we were looking for. Everyone knew each other, the pastor and his wife were down to earth and had a big family which we loved. The church's dedication to their children's program while running on a small church budget was admirable. You could tell they poured a lot of heart and soul into the children's ministry. It was a church that Richard and I both felt comfortable in. We were hooked.
I am so thankful that we got that flier and decided to attend that Sunday. Our lives quickly became a roller coaster for a good two years. Our congregation reached out and embraced us when Richard was laid off from his job and I was pregnant with our fourth child. We were overwhelmed with support, prayers, emails and visits from members and leader who truly cared about how we were doing.
We were showered with meals upon the birth of our son Samuel. Two weeks of home cooked meals delivered to my door was such a blessing to our family!
Months later our pastor and his wife spent hours sitting with Richard and I as we overcame a very difficult challenge in our marriage. And , six months from that our pastor sat and cried with us in the hospital as I lay both very sick and broken hearted after losing our baby. He drove over an hour to be with us even though we insisted that he could visit us when we returned home. We were showered with visits, meals, and cards. We were deeply cared for and it made all the difference in the world.
Our church has become family to us. I only hope to be able to give back in return all that our church family has done for us. Six months from now we are planning on having our church family with us again for another important event, our vow renewal ceremony in celebration of our ten year anniversary. It would seem only fitting that the people who have seen us through some of the toughest times, be there to witness our new beginning.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Fly
But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31
Okay....... so it has been a while. In fact, it has been more than a week. I find it impossible to write unless something comes to me. And no I am not talking crazy and claiming my writing comes from a dream or a vision. I just mean I am not the type of person that can just force myself to write. So sometimes, I got nothing.
September was a rough month and I am glad it is over. I am sure a lot of it was my own anxiety building up about reaching and passing my scheduled due date. Now that it is past I feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I guess it was a right of passage and now I feel like I can really move on. I can take all the experiences I have had since losing the baby and all the changes I have made, apply them, and move forward.
I finally took all the sweet cards we received from so many wonderful friends, along with the dried roses and flower bouquets I have been holding on to, and put them in a special box. With them are all the ultrasounds I had, the onesies my best friend bought me, a photo frame, and a baby book. These little things are all I have of that baby and I think that child deserves a place of remembrance, even if it is in a gift box inside my hope chest.
I have also started considering what time of tree I would like to plant in remembrance of the baby. My church offered to assist with planting a tree in memory of the baby, from the beginning, and I just have not been able to do it. I was not ready for closure, but now, I think I am.
I am at a peaceful place and it has been a long time coming. I have talked about in other posts some of the ways that I have changed, so I won't bore you with repeating them. I will say that the last six months have been a incredibly hard and yet I feel almost like a new person. No, I certainly am not grateful for losing the baby, but I a grateful for the opportunity that God gave me to grow and to learn. I feel now like more my true self then I ever have.
Saying that I feel more like my true self feels weird while although I feeling like I have grieved and started to let go of the baby, I know I have a long way to go with the anxiety issues. I said to my therapist that sometimes I feel guilty about having anxiety. If my faith was strong, I wouldn't be struggling, right? She, and others, put me at ease by reminding me that anxiety is your body's way of reacting to the fear of another traumatic event occurring again. It has nothing to do with lack of faith, or not being able to handles difficult times. It is not a sign of a lack of strength or a sign of weakness.
In fact perhaps, a sign of my faith is my ability to be honest and very open about this experience despite what others would think. Faith is trusting that God will see me through these tough times. Faith is knowing that when you have come to the edge Of all light that you know and drop off into the darkness ,these things will happen: There will be something solid to crash on, you will once again stand, and then You will be taught to fly.
I think I am ready for flying lessons.
Okay....... so it has been a while. In fact, it has been more than a week. I find it impossible to write unless something comes to me. And no I am not talking crazy and claiming my writing comes from a dream or a vision. I just mean I am not the type of person that can just force myself to write. So sometimes, I got nothing.
September was a rough month and I am glad it is over. I am sure a lot of it was my own anxiety building up about reaching and passing my scheduled due date. Now that it is past I feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I guess it was a right of passage and now I feel like I can really move on. I can take all the experiences I have had since losing the baby and all the changes I have made, apply them, and move forward.
I finally took all the sweet cards we received from so many wonderful friends, along with the dried roses and flower bouquets I have been holding on to, and put them in a special box. With them are all the ultrasounds I had, the onesies my best friend bought me, a photo frame, and a baby book. These little things are all I have of that baby and I think that child deserves a place of remembrance, even if it is in a gift box inside my hope chest.
I have also started considering what time of tree I would like to plant in remembrance of the baby. My church offered to assist with planting a tree in memory of the baby, from the beginning, and I just have not been able to do it. I was not ready for closure, but now, I think I am.
I am at a peaceful place and it has been a long time coming. I have talked about in other posts some of the ways that I have changed, so I won't bore you with repeating them. I will say that the last six months have been a incredibly hard and yet I feel almost like a new person. No, I certainly am not grateful for losing the baby, but I a grateful for the opportunity that God gave me to grow and to learn. I feel now like more my true self then I ever have.
Saying that I feel more like my true self feels weird while although I feeling like I have grieved and started to let go of the baby, I know I have a long way to go with the anxiety issues. I said to my therapist that sometimes I feel guilty about having anxiety. If my faith was strong, I wouldn't be struggling, right? She, and others, put me at ease by reminding me that anxiety is your body's way of reacting to the fear of another traumatic event occurring again. It has nothing to do with lack of faith, or not being able to handles difficult times. It is not a sign of a lack of strength or a sign of weakness.
In fact perhaps, a sign of my faith is my ability to be honest and very open about this experience despite what others would think. Faith is trusting that God will see me through these tough times. Faith is knowing that when you have come to the edge Of all light that you know and drop off into the darkness ,these things will happen: There will be something solid to crash on, you will once again stand, and then You will be taught to fly.
I think I am ready for flying lessons.
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