Return To Sender

“I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.   Ephesians 3:16-21

  With the hoiday season can come a lot of jokes about  packages that come to our homes that we would like to, well, return to the sender. These packages might contain the ugly Christmas sweater from Grandma, the Jelly of the Month club from a friend, or the ever so popular fruit cake that seems to always be sent by a distant aunt.
     Out of the spirit of the season we usually do not ( at least I hope you don't) return these items to where they came from, because we know that it is "the thought that counts" ( that and your aunt thinks her fruit cake is truly the best thing ever!). We pack the sweater in a box in the back of the closet and we let the the new jelly that comes each month stack on top of the one from the month before in our pantry. Oh and the fruitcake? If you are smart you re-gift that one quickly! None of these things are harmful or impact our lives too much, except to take up more space in our house.
     This made me think, what do we do with the things that come our way that are harmful? What are these things? Maybe it is hurtful words from someone you care about, maybe it is unwanted and un-deserved judgment from others, maybe it is gossip about you at church, work, or even amongst your family. Maybe it is the low self esteem that came with your job loss. Maybe it is years of pain and guilt from a loss.
      We all have experiences from time to time when someone has hurt us deeply or feelings come as the result of a difficult situation and we don't know what to do with them. If we allow hurtful words, negative thoughts, self doubt and feelings of unworthiness and rejection into our lives, they will just keep stacking up in the pantry of our hearts filling us with resentment and causing us to be insecure about who we are, and more importantly who are are in God.
     So what can we do when we are struggling with difficult circumstances, judgment, hurtful words or actions from others? Return to Sender.
     Now, that does not mean respond in the same way you were treated. It means do not take ownership. Do not allow untruths to enter your heart and gradually stack up. Face each situation that and make a choice not to take ownership of someone else's words or behavior. Decide not to let the divorce you are facing, the job that you lost, or the family who rejected you define who you are.
     If you define yourself in what others feel about you, the job you have, how much money you make, or how perfect you life looks to others, you will ALWAYS be grossly disappointed. But, if you look to God to find your value, you will always be complete.
     So, on Christmas when the fruit cake is opened, the Jelly of the Month is grape (yay!), and you so badly wish you could send the sweater (along with all the others ones Grandma has sent) back, refrain from doing so. But if you find yourself unable to feel much joy during this time of year,when you are facing difficult times, return those thoughts and feeling to the sender. Remind yourself who you are in God and just how valuable he knows you are.
     If it is not of light then it is not of God. If it is not of God, then it is not good enough to dwell in your house, in your mind, or in your heart. Send it back.

Saying " I'm Sorry"

Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.  Matthew 12:25

     After seeing one of my recent blog posts posted on a mutual friend's facebook site, I got a messgae from someone I have not spoken to for close to a year. She had been a good friend and we have known each other for five years. Despite the concern that I could possibly reject her efforts, she reached out to me after reading of my loss.
     My heart skipped a beat when I saw her message and I quickly responded. Within minutes we were on the phone. Before I could allow our conversation to go to far, there was something she needed to know, I was sorry.
      Right before I found out about the pregnancy I had been struggling with health problems, working too much and trying unsucessfully to manage my home life. I I was trying to be Superwoman and I was terrible at it. I was miserable.
      My friend would try to get me to open up about how I was doing and my response was always, "I am fine, everything is fine". I was embarassed to tell her I wasn't "fine", but afraid that if I let the words come out of my mouth that I would no longer be able to hold it all together. Instead I pushed her away and she got the message.
     When I lost the baby, I thought of her. I wished I could call and tell her, I knew she would be comforting. But she didn't even know I was pregnant, and how do you call someone and say, " Hey I know I was a jerk, but let me unload this tragic event on you so you can make me feel better"?
Still, she stayed on my mind throughout these difficult months. At  times I would wonder how she was and how her family was doing. I started seeing her pop up on my " People you might know" section on  Facebook. Then when I started therapry, twenty plus miles form my house, I actually parked next to her car not knowing she worked next to my therapists office. God was onbiously not going to let me forget this unfinsihed business and relationship that needed to be mended.
     Then her message came and we met at Starbucks the next day, and talked for hours. I wish that things had been different and we had not gone for so long without speaking. But, then again time was what I needed and without all the events that occured I would not have been sitting before her a much more peaceful, happy person.
    Saying, "I'm sorry" is never easy. It makes you vulnerable to the rejection from the other person. But sometimes, those three honest words can lift a burden off your heart  and restore a seperation of months and even years. You may not be ready to say them today, but God will press upon your heart an urgency to do so until you do.
Apparently his uses Facebook now too.